The following paragraph is from the Chief End for Which God Created the World 8 (Marriage). It is meant to give context.
We need to look at the big picture for a moment before we have a short look at some of the particulars. If we desire marriage for selfish and self-centered considerations, then we do not desire the glory of God and the true good of the other. Most marriage counseling appears to be done on a needs basis, that is, that one spouse is to meet the needs of the other. Other forms of counseling are more behavior oriented and verses are prescribed as behavior modifiers in much the same way as medical doctors prescribe medication. The one says meeting the needs of the other glorifies God and the second says that certain behavior glorifies God. But does it really do that? Do certain behaviors in and of themselves glorify God according to His terminal purpose for humanity and all of creation?
We can now look at marriage in a more direct way as it relates to the expression and manifestation of God’s glory in this world. God created all things as a way by which He may manifest His glory. He had a primary reason or terminal end for all that He did. Marriage was created by God and His terminal end or chief end was to manifest His glory. That is the guiding light for interpretation of marriage. It is not that the man and woman look at self and strive for self-realization in the marriage. It is not setting aside one person’s goals for another or both striving to be good, but it is for both to realize that in their oneness the glory of God is to shine forth from them. It seems as if most counseling revolves around a needs basis or is simply behavior modification. Both of those are simply forms of humanism. We can also encourage people to be good in marriage in order to be good moral people, but again that is humanism or moralism. We can encourage people to obey God’s commands in marriage for various reasons, but again that can be nothing but outward religion and following rules in a misguided effort to please God. All things were meant to be a way for God to manifest the beauty and majesty of His glory. All believers are to obey with the intent to manifest the glory of God out of love for His glory. Those things cannot be worked up, they can only be worked in us by the life of Christ that comes down to us.
We must fight against the idea of marriage where one person must meet the needs of the other and in doing that God is glorified. Rather than that, what we must strive for is that the husband would love His wife with the love that flows from the throne of God. The wife must lovingly submit with the life of the submissive Savior that is in her. It is only when the internal glory of God is manifested through human beings that it is His glory shining through. It is not obeying certain rules that God is glorified and honored because if the effort and strength comes from the human being then it is to their own honor. That would be nothing but another form of self-righteousness.
If marriage is nothing more than a way to be moral, then it is nothing more than the spirit of the rules of the Pharisees. God did not give us His laws and His standards within marriage as rules that we keep, but to show us that we cannot do them apart from the life of Christ in us. The husband’s duty to love cannot be kept by human strength and even within the confines for conservative religion. The duty of the wife to lovingly submit is not something that can come from self-strength, even if she is a woman with much strength. The standards that God gives for marriage are not given to people that have the strength to keep them, but they are to show us that we cannot keep them from the heart apart from His love and strength in us. It is only when His rules and principles are kept from His love and strength is His glory manifested in and through us.
If we use rules for marital bliss as nothing more than behavior modification, then we are not teaching people to live in the marriage by grace. There is no love apart from the love of God in the soul since God alone is the only source for true love (I John 4:7-8). While certain rules may in some way modify human behavior, remember that the Pharisees also had behavior modification. But instead Christianity teaches that the believer is to live by the life of Christ in the soul which is also the love that the Spirit has worked in the soul. It is only then that God’s terminal purpose in creation of expressing His glory is seen in the marriage and is not simply behavior by human strength.
God Loves... Himself 
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