The following paragraph is from the Chief End for Which God Created the World 8 (Marriage). It is meant to give context.
We need to look at the big picture for a moment before we have a short look at some of the particulars. If we desire marriage for selfish and self-centered considerations, then we do not desire the glory of God and the true good of the other. Most marriage counseling appears to be done on a needs basis, that is, that one spouse is to meet the needs of the other. Other forms of counseling are more behavior oriented and verses are prescribed as behavior modifiers in much the same way as medical doctors prescribe medication. The one says meeting the needs of the other glorifies God and the second says that certain behavior glorifies God. But does it really do that? Do certain behaviors in and of themselves glorify God according to His terminal purpose for humanity and all of creation?
One of the things that I have been trying to get at in terms of marriage is that the modern “Christian” way of doing things is not Christian at all. The modern “Christian” way is really just another form of pride and selfishness. In many ways the world and the modern “Christian” way have a lot in common. Both do what they do out of a form of selfishness. Both do what they do from their own strength, though the Christian might claim that his or her strength is from God. Both have departed from the biblical standard. The world does not like the standards of God so it denies them. The “Church” does not like the standards of God so it brings the standard down in order to make it manageable by human effort and strength. Both of those ways flow from pride.
The world claims it has no standard and so from pride it exerts what it thinks is its independence from God. The “Church sets up its own standard and from pride exerts its own power in keeping its own standard that it says is from God. The world lives by its freedom while the “Christian” lives according to what he or she thinks he or she is free to do or not to do. The “Christian” may indeed pray and study the Bible in an effort to say that he or she is trying to find God’s standard and live according to it. But that still reveals hearts that do not understand that biblical marriage cannot be lived by human beings apart from God living in people.
Let us look at this a bit closer. The husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. So he asks himself how Christ loved the Church. Then he sets out to obey the commands. Is that any different than how the Pharisees approached it? The husband wants to be an obedient Christian so he wants to keep the commandments of God. Why does he want to do that? Does he really love God with all of his being? Could it be that he is within a religious culture that demands it of him and tells him that this is how Christians behave? He is then given many motives of why he should love his wife. He must love her in order to love himself. He must love her because it is good for him to do so. If he loves her she will be a better wife. If he loves her he will be considered a good husband. But in reality all of those things (and others) are really moved by selfish reasons. Even doing things to please God can be nothing more than a selfish desire to please God in order to obtain something from God.
The wife is told much the same thing about submission. If she loves God she will do so, though in reality doing so must flow from the love of God and the outward behavior does not necessarily show the inner love. If she will only submit her husband will love her and things will be better in the home. If she will only submit she will be a good example for other women. If she will only submit she will be pleasing God, but of course that can be nothing more than a selfish desire to please God. A selfish desire to please God is a desire to please God not out of true love for God but out of desires that are rooted in self-interest. It is to have self as the greatest desire or chief end.
While I don’t have the space to get into this very deeply, surely you can see that much of what passes as conservative “Christian” marriage is in reality nothing more than selfishness and pride. It is something that the Pharisees would be very proud to have as their own. There is no real need to rely on God or to have His love in the soul. There is no real glory of God being expressed through the human. It is all about self and self gets the glory.
God Loves... Himself 
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