O LORD, I yield myself to the clear radiance and full discovery of they word, to be convinced by it of sin. I know, with infallible certainty, that I have sinned ever since I could discern between good and evil, in thought, word, and deed—in every period, condition, and relation of life; every day, against every commandment. (Thomas Adam, Private Thoughts on Religion)
Yielding to the Word of God for our sin to be discovered is a hard step, but also one that needs to be taken over and over again. It is not a one time thing that we do and all is settled. It is the cry of a heart that knows God and wants all that is between it and God to be exposed, done away with, and repented of. It is another thing, however, to come to the realization that one has done nothing but sin “in thought, word, and deed” and that “in every period, condition, and relation of life.” This has happened “every day, against every commandment.”
While that seems like a brutal statement and one that goes beyond the realm of possibility and so Thomas Adam must be using hyperbole (many would say), I am sure he would have said that he was not able to explain the depths of the extent of sin to any degree of what it should be. It is one thing to think of this in a theoretical sense, but to have the Holy Spirit open the spiritual eyes of the soul and bring a person to see that this is true of “me,” that is quite another story. It is one thing to intellectually know that one is guilty of a crime, but it is quite another to have the judge declare you guilty of the crime and then pass the death sentence upon you. So in the spiritual realm a person can intellectually know that s/he is guilty of sin and sins in every aspect of life every moment, but to the sheer horror of knowing that by the light that the Spirit gives and the certainty of this is something that is very different than anything that the human intellect or power can bring.
In Isaiah 6 the LORD manifested Himself to Isaiah and it was a terrible sight to him. All of his supposed righteousness drained away and all he could think of was that he was a sinful man in front of a holy God. If we put the quote from Thomas Adam with the sight of Isaiah in Isaiah 6, we could see the depths of our sin each moment. If we knew with the sense of Isaiah that we live in the presence of the living God each moment, how vile we would be in our own eyes. If the Spirit opened our eyes to see the depths of sin in our hearts moment by moment, we would not live in trust of ourselves but would cry out to God for Christ and His Spirit each moment.
As out of a place as a very crude man who constantly uses foul language at church, so it is much worse for a person to utter words in the presence of a holy God that are not out of love for God. How awful to look back on your life and see and understand with some degree of illumination by the Spirit that you violated every commandment of God hundreds of times (if not more) every day for your whole life. Think of how you have thought of those heathens who bowed down before idols and then to know that you have been an idolater every day over and over. Think of how you have thought of those who speak God’s name with such vile language, but then realize that you have used His name in vain by thought and word during your singing of Psalms and hymns and even while you prayed or read Scripture.
The discovery of sin in the heart and then the depths and extent of sin in the heart is far more than a creed can do, it is the work of the Spirit of God to a heart that wants to see more sin in its heart in order to loathe it and repent of it. But for a person that desires a pure heart in order to see God (Mat 5:8), it is a process that a person must begin to want and long for. While we may claim that we love Christ, until we want to repent and be cleansed of our hidden sin the least we can say is that we don’t love Him as we should. Unless we are willing to pursue a path of painful self-discovery, we don’t really see ourselves as we are and we don’t understand grace. We will be walking around in life with a false view of ourselves trying to project a false view of ourselves to others as well. So many people are deluded by their deceptive hearts because they refuse to bow before the Lord in His Scriptures and pray that He would open their hearts to them. Meanwhile, they are filled with the refuse of hell and simply refuse to look at the truth of themselves. Every now and then someone will say something and the Lord will use that to give them a glimpse of their own hearts, but they usually react in anger against that one that said something rather than deal with their own hearts. Does anyone really want to know their own hearts? If not, What does that say about our attitude toward truth?
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