“God be merciful to me a sinner,” said the publican. If I was to hear you wishing to be the man, I should hope well of your case; if you say you are, it is a hundred to one you are mistaken. (Thomas Adam, Private Thoughts on Religion)
“The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
The statement by Adam is a powerful statement concerning the self-deception of man. The heart is more deceitful than all else, and we say that we know that it is true, but we don’t really accept that in the depths of the heart. We can be proud over the fact that we are unlike the Pharisee, though the Pharisee was proud over the fact that he was unlike the publican. Our hearts are so deceptive that it can hide the fact that we are proud of our humility which makes it turn out that we are not so humble after all and as such we are simply full of pride.
The human heart is born in sin and never leaves its first love of self and sin unless God breaks that heart and gives it new life in regeneration and life by Christ. Oh how our wicked hearts (that we give lip-service to) will say the words that we are sinners and we must have mercy, but how many really think of self as a horrible sinner and in great need of mercy? How many are proud of themselves in reality and are proud that they can see themselves as sinners, though perhaps not really that bad of a sinner?
It is so easy to read a verse of Scripture and not our heads to the truth of it and repeat a few words and go on in a comfortable assurance that we fit the description of the verse. But unless God opens our eyes to it we don’t understand the verse, but even more, unless God teaches us these things in the inner man we are clueless as to what the verse really teaches. As Adam notes, those who really think that they are like the publican are most likely deceived. Those who see themselves as possessing wicked hearts and knowing that they would like to be like the publican in reality are those who are more like the publican than those who think they are like the publican.
The knowledge of the depths of sin should grow throughout our lives, but this also means that we should grow in our sight of our need of mercy throughout our lives. There is not a moment where we can rest and think that we have arrived, but instead we should always know that we are in need of more mercy each day. It may be the case that we are not more sinful the older we get, but it is the case that we see more sin as we get older. That should drive us to humility and brokenness to cry out in utter helplessness to God for mercy.
Adam’s point, however, shows how our hearts are so ready to read something and think we have attained to it. But it also shows us how much we need to grow in these things in our experience of fellowship with God by grace. If we can say the words (God be merciful to me a sinner) and it not be a deeper cry of the heart now than it was in the past, we are not growing in our knowledge of God and of grace. Not only do those words (God be merciful to me a sinner) point to the heart of a sinner who needs to be converted, they also point to the hearts of those who need to grow in grace. If we are not growing in a deeper knowledge of God, we will not grow in a deeper knowledge of our own sin. If we are not growing in a deeper knowledge of our own sin, we will not grow in knowledge of our desperate need of mercy and grace.
In the light and airy day that we live in, people are told to have a higher self-esteem and to love themselves so that they can be useful to God. But God is not looking for people like that, He is looking for broken and humble people. The broken and humble people seek for grace and mercy which glorify His name, while the others seek Him for things that benefit them and glorify them. How few appear to really have been taught as the truth is in Jesus that they are sinners in need of a true mercy.
God Loves... Himself 
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